Notes on the Bontok's view on relationships between men and women, nudity and sex

(The last of a series)

Of arranged marriages and love

It wasn't mentioned explicitly in the film, but the Bontok appeared to believe in monogamy. There were people who remained unmarried, but they believed in marriage.

The parents arranged the marriages. This did not mean that the Bontok never married for love-- they also did (we'll talk about that later)-- it's just that the parents were the ones who talked and finalized it. Often, it did happen that the couple, especially the woman, did not love the man she was betrothed to, but they would get married anyway in accordance with their parents' wishes.

Surprisingly, marrying not for love did not lead to failed marriages as it does today. The elders attest that most Bontok marriages were successful. Couples who didn't love each other initially, learned to love their spouses eventually. They even had children, without any of them resulting from marital rape. Respect for women applied even when sex was expected from her.

The elders interfered with marital disputes whenever they would erupt intensely enough. If marital violence ever arose (and I think they claim it did not), there was no way to hide it from the community because of the physical structure of the houses and the lack of upper garments (later!). Such marital affairs seemed to still be the business of the community, hence, contributing to successful marriages.

Of courtship 

The Bontok were allowed to fall in love. They claim it was usually during work in the fields that they start liking someone. After work, the boys would hang out in the female dormitories to court the girls they liked. There were more than one female dormitories, and the boys could go dorm-hopping. They were even allowed to spend the night there.

When a boy liked a girl, he would sleep beside her in the female dormitory, maybe even sharing her blanket. When a boy slept too many times beside the same girl, the other girls must bear witness to this for them to get married. Sometimes, a girl would get pregnant (beats me how they did it in a room full of people!) and it was easy to pinpoint who the father was because of all the witnesses.

Concept of romantic love

The Bontok has the cutest concept of romantic love. It conveniently excludes the cheesy (sometimes, obscene) couple things that make third parties cringe. Physical affection was not a thing: they did not casually express themselves by hugging or kissing or even holding hands. They did not even indulge in gooey exchanges of "i love you's."

They did give gifts, but it was not at all like what today's girls expect from their sweethearts: no flowers, no chocolates, no candies, no stuffed animals. The husband could bring his wife firewood as gift, and it would totally be appreciated without her throwing a (passive-aggressive) fit (I noted that the audience laughed at this!).

The couples who married for love did not have to be passionately head-over-heels, madly in love as the media portray. It sufficed that they liked each other, and were willing to commit to stand by one another through thick and thin, solving problems together. It's love stripped to its essentials.

Of unrequited love

Amidst the arranged marriages, love remained a two-way affair. The men could still get "basted." When they do, they don't force themselves; they simply back out.

The Bontok has this cute and simple solution to unrequited love: someone else. Whenever a guy gets rejected, the friends of the girl who rejected him would help him find a more suitable partner. It worked the other way around, too. When a girl made "paramdam" that she liked a guy who doesn't like her back, the friends of the guy would find her a more suitable partner. That way, there were no hard feelings harbored; everyone was happy and they could all live in harmony.

Of nudity and sex

The Bontok women were topless, their breasts exposed. And yet, it never invited rape. Moreover as mentioned earlier, the men and women had a common bath area, in which they could take a bath simultaneously also without inviting rape. They did not take a bath in the nude, I think, but still, as established earlier, even the flashing of genitals never invited rape.

Outfit of Bontok women

All these support the feminist belief that rape does not happen because of what women wear. It has more to do with the cultural notions, values, and moral beliefs that prevail in society, influencing the behavior of people.

From tumblr

A tumblr thread on the photo above

The Bontok did not think of the breast as a sensual body part. They did not have the Western concept of erogenous zones (which I just recently learned from Friends. Thank you, Monica -_-). For them, the breast was just for feeding infants. Hence, its exposure did not mean anything. According to the film, it was only when the media reached the Bontok through television during the American period that the Bontok women began to cover themselves.

In contrast, they believed that the genitalia is to be concealed. Yet the moments of its exposure did not elicit indecent behavior on part of the men who'd see because respect for women was a value deeply ingrained in their culture. This respect did not need to be earned by proving that women were equal to men or by making sure women covered themselves or by watching how they act around men. This respect was just expected from men, and women were entitled to it just by virtue of being women.

-end-