Fourth Degree Self-consciousness

Whenever I scan through my newsfeed in social networks, I keep wondering what makes my "friends" post the things they post.  Selfies, statuses with obscure meanings, good mornings/afternoons/evenings/nights, comments on an ongoing event, personal messages. . .


I should know, right? Except for the selfies, I used to do those. I had my share of jeje Y!M and friendster statuses. I used to report all I was thinking and doing in plurk. I used to pour my heart out in blogging. But I stopped amidst the awakening of self-conscious self-consciousness. My posts are now limited to things I really find amusing, issues I feel strongly about, attempts at story-telling, and paraphernalia for pragmatic considerations. I don't even comment much anymore, and instead, learned to make more use of the private message option. I post non-generic birthday greetings on my friends' timelines only when I come up with something. I want to be able to look at my profile in the future, and think that I had been preoccupied with interesting, meaningful things, and that I had stated them creatively. Otherwise, it'd be embarrassing to revisit, as the case with my teenage journals.

So the question remains. What's going on in my 'friends', likely unconscious, minds?

I can only speak for myself, and what used to go in my mind before third degree self-consciousness was compensating for my lack of personal interaction. I wanted to prove that I wasn't empty. Something has been going on with me, come notice. Whether I was trying to convince others or convince myself is uncertain. But I think a few people have appreciated the point, and have taken my vocal silence to reflect mental chaos. They are right, occasionally. Could this be their (social media friends')  motivation, as well-- them with extravagant social lives?

I've read an article or two on the narcissistic tendency that social media's been inculcating in this generation. In the name of introspection, it'd be interesting to read how particulars of this generation examine their own underlying motivations.

In related news, self-conscious self-consciousness has robbed me of writing freedom. No longer can I pour my heart out in writing as candidly as I used to. It makes me uncomfortable, even in the knowledge that I'd be the only one to read it. Thus, I keep my compositions as brief and precise as my thoughts would allow and restrict my writing style from getting too emotional, lest I feel foolish and trash the whole concept. I've even been trying to eliminate the "I's" so as not to appear self-absorbed. Do these considerations diminish ability to write fiction? Do they diminish ability to write, in general?

I'm still at a loss what to write. Hesitation dominates my blogging habits. Many a project have I begun, only to abandon for poor execution, and eventually, perceived ridiculousness of the idea. Although, I've never let anyone read my drafts. I've completed just one short story, still subject to further revision, even after being sent for a college publication. Moreover, I cannot find it in me to promote what I write, even when I do want them to be read. Linking blog posts in my other accounts, or bringing up my url in conversations feels like being asked to be photographed, which-- I don't know why-- makes me feel idiotic. Does writing demand the same disposition as in proving one's self?