Confession and Consultation: A Subtle Analogy

A friend comes to you and confesses, "I did something wrong. . ." and this wrong thing may range a wide spectrum: from an unintended neglect to an intentional act, from harming one's self to harming another, from a minor sin (if there is such a thing) to a grave, moral offense. . . What would you say? How would you react? Should your reaction depend on the weight of the offense? Should it depend on who was wronged? Should you consider whether it was intentional or not? Does it matter which friend was confessing?

Before you say anything, I think these things are worth considering:

1. The person is confessing (James 5:16). They have began to recognize and agree that what they did was wrong. They likely already feel remorse. 
2. Confession is hard. It is exposing one's flaws, and insecurities. It is revealing one's heart, rendering one vulnerable. 
3. The person chose to tell you, of all people. They regard you as someone they can talk to. They trust you.

If we are to act lovingly (1 Peter 4:8), with the person's interests in mind, the least helpful thing to do is burst out in anger and judgement. Yet, it's the most natural reaction. Bakit mo ginawa yun? Hindi mo ba alam na mali yun? Sabi sa verse so and so. . . While this kind of anger may be righteous in so far as it hates sin, this is not the time for it (1 Cor 10:23-24). Chances are the person already knows this, which is why they're confessing. This could be the first step in turning away from it, but because of such a response, instead of encouraging them to do so, we may end up putting them on the defense, which may lead them to other sins or back to the very sin they're trying to turn from (Rom 14:20). We can say it in a gentler way, but the wording that implies the same judgement may produce the same effect. God himself doesn't respond this way to confession (1 John 1:9; Rom 8:1), so why should we? Doesn't the fact that we are repenting matter more to Him than the fact that we had sinned?

If we are to act lovingly, with the person's interests in mind, to understand the person is primary (1 Cor 10:33). Why would they do such a thing? What is keeping them from doing what is right? Hence, instead of reacting immediately, ask what happened. Listen to what they have to say. Clarify points, and make sure you get what they mean. Only after this are we to say what we think, offer counsel and encouragement (1 Thes 5:14). And then, maybe pray for them. Sometimes, the listening and praying is enough encouragement, other times, they may need our counsel (James 15:19-20).

It's not so different in medicine. Thorough history-taking precedes diagnosis and treatment. History-taking may be the most challenging part, as everything previously mentioned applies, except the trust and confessing. The patient's trust is still to be earned. Knowing what the patient did wrong may precede the confession and maybe even the regret. Doctors can tell when the patients are lying. Our teachers recount that one look or one sniff can tell them that the woman just had an abortion that led to the complication. Our seniors as gentle as Dra. Jana M confess to losing their temper at patients who could've prevented the progression of the disease had they consulted immediately.

In light of these, how should we respond as Christians? Losing ourselves in our natural (sinful) responses is a real concern that ought to be taken seriously (Rom 12:2). We are not our own. We've been bought with the blood of Christ (Eph 2:13). The challenge is remembering this in everything we do (or say, or think) (1 Cor 10:31).